Warped Tour 2005: Attack of the Five Foot Scenesters

Sorry, devoted reader(s), for my lack of updates. My internet as of late is working for me about as well Courtney Love's last stay in rehab. This is a special column, as it features guest commentary by Dave Ta Life, my elder and the first Benson to enter the world of online "journalism." For years, he wrote CD and concert reviews for www.blistering.com, where he would drop pearls of wisdom such as:

"Darkest Hour is no where near as talented as In Flames"
"In Flames was awesome, and needs to be seen by all"
"In Flames sound guy did an incredible job"
"Earth Crisis was great, but it was just impossible for me to enjoy them fully after watching In Flames"

and of course, when commenting on why he skipped out on Queens of the Stone Age at Ozzfest 2000:
"If the band picked a name like Queens of the Stone Age, they obviously can't be any good"

So feel lucky, that in addition to my ranting, you will also be subjected to the views of DTL...who after spending his entire teens wishing he was named Bjorn, living in Gothenburg, Sweden, drinking ale with Jesper of In Flames, is now working a white collar job in NYC. However, his hardcore roots remain, and he tied the bandanna around his face one more time to go to this years Warped Tour with me. He also volunteered to make this entry twice as long. Here are our accounts of the bands we saw this Saturday, August 12, at Randall's Island.

Intro:
After taking the subway in from Hoboken, and then hopping on another we ended up in Harlem where upon seeing fat chicks with red streaks in their hair and The Used shirts on, we knew we were in the right place. Buses loaded with hardcore kids and emo kids filled the streets, as the confused old men of harlem looked on wondering if this was indeed, the apocolypse. The line to get in was a mile long, but luckily our bus driver let us off at the front of the line, letting us skip it. It was a sign of the good day to come.

12:20: Reggie and the Full Effect

Benson:Good performance by some chunky ass dudes. Their set had everything from brutal breakdowns, to catchy pop hooks, and lead singer James Dewees was even nice enough to tell us about his young love slave, an Asian boy he covers in chocolate syrup. Seriously, his words, not mine.
Elder Benson:A band with great music and a fun attitude, this was the perfect band to kick off our day. With lyrical subjects ranging from the Loch Ness Monster to Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, these guys couldn't miss. Hit single "Get Well Soon" was a definite highlight.
Added bonus: I remember the beginning of the summer and my brother telling me "Reggie sucks, that song 'Get Well Soon' is horrible." Ah how quickly times change.

12:50: Thrice

Benson:Thrice fucking rules. I hadn’t listened to the “The Artist in the Ambulance” in quite sometime and had forgotten how great these guys were. They attracted a huge crowd, and got a strong reaction from the new material they played.
Elder Benson:Easily one of the best sets of the day. Thrice flawlessly blended old songs with new, yet-to-be released tracks. I was happy because they played my personal favorite "Stare at the Sun." Added bonus: The 14 year old girls got stuck in pedestrian traffic trying to make their way over from Mest's set, so we didn't have to knock any little girls around to enjoy this one.

1:30: Avenged Sevenfold

Benson:Everyone’s favorite Goth power rangers brought their A-game. The crowd went crazy, and I had a clear view thanks to everyone in front of me being 14-year-old Goth girls. They clearly would later have their first sexual experience, touching themselves while thinking of these mascara covered Motley Crue impersonators. But seriously, these guys slay.
Elder Benson: In the weeks leading up to Warped, I told my brother that "Under no circumstance would I watch Avenged Sevenfold." Let's just say I side with Atreyu in the Orange Country metalcore feud. Against my better judgment though, I stuck around for the set….and I'm glad I did. Though I still can't get into their records, one thing can't be denied: this band puts on an incredible live show. There was enough make-up and stage presence in this band to resurrect Motley Crue. Good times.
Added bonus: My trip into Bat Country went better then expected; it wasn't a waste of time and the band turned in one of the best sets of the day. Avenged Sevenfold's singer was wearing a vintage Reign In Blood t-shirt, so that was cool too (though I wish he wouldn't scream "yeeeeah" so much)

2:30: Darkest Hour

Darkest Hour shreds away

Benson:Darkest Hour, as expected, put on an amazing show. We were all in awe of guitarist Kirs Norris, not only for his domination of his instrument, but for his "I am the Anti-Christ" upside down cross tattoo.I suggest all aspiring guitarists go to www.Krisnorris.com and purchase his instructional DVD. Darkest Hour, after all the hype Victory records put out about “eating Slayer for breakfast,” truly does live up to it. In fact, although the elder may disagree, I believe they rip much harder than In Flames.
Elder Benson:I'm kind of biased on this one seeing as how if I had to vote today for 2005 Album of the Year I would vote for Undoing Ruin. Darkest Hour put on an amazing set. They sounded great, and they played "Sound The Surrender." If this was the only band I saw all day, I still would have left happy.
Darkest Hour has come a long way over the years. While "Undoing Ruin" is their finest effort to date, they still haven't climbed the pedastal and reached In Flames Status.
Added bonus: Darkest Hour provided me with the 1st of two opportunities during the day to raise my fingers to the sky and play air guitar. Thanks guys.

2:50: The Transplants

Benson:These guys played at the same time, but we were lucky enough to hear their “hit” single, “gangsters and thugs” being played when Darkest Hour finished. The Transplants are officially the worst band in the world.

Their "singer" is not only fat, ugly, and talentless, but he is a former roadie who obviously won one hell of a bet to get this gig. People only watch them to get a glimpse of two other punk “legends” in the band, Travis Barker and the dude from Rancid, who as far as I’m concerned smoke more pole than the cast of “Blow Out.” I can only hope they get in an accident and their singer gets the old Cliff Burton “crushed to death by rolling bus” treatment.

Elder Benson: I agree with everything the younger Benson said.

This guy needs to be shot

3:00: Funeral for a Friend

Benson:Uh, these guys are from the UK. Other than their singer's annoying accent, they didn’t stand out much. Still, a decent performance. Between these guys and Bullet for my Valentine, the UK is really starting to pump out decent bands with really shitty names.
Elder Benson:This was the tricky part of the day as there were a bunch of bands starting sets in the 3:00 hour that I wanted to say. As such, I only stayed for 3 songs from FFAF before moving on. I liked what I heard, but the band was having obvious trouble getting the crowd involved.
Added bonus: None. Leaving this set early was one of the more negative aspects of my day.

3:20 Bleeding Through

Ahhh...

Benson: While my brother checked out Hopesfall, I watched everyone’s favorite Orange County tough guys, Bleeding Through. I mostly just stared at the metal goddess who plays the keyboards. I think her and I have a real future together. Sadly, as a metal fan of many years, I realize that girls like this don’t actually exist and she may have been a figment of my imagination. The more I think about it, I don’t see what band couldn’t benefit from having a fine ass number working the keys during their set. Note: If you are in a band, ask a hot bitch to play keyboards for you. It requires no talent or musical ability.

3:20 Hopesfall

Elder Benson:Their old songs were great, their new songs were boring.
Added bonus: Getting to see a band I've wanted to see for a long time was great. Thanks Warped.

3:40: Circa Survive

When I was almost knocked over by a slew of tweeny boppers, I just chalked it up to my rugged, Russell Crow-like good looks and my fame and notoriety brought upon by this very website. Turns out, they were just trying to touch the shoe of Circa Survive’s lead singer, who must lay more pipe both Mario Brothers combined. He's like the Nick Cannon of emo. This guy leans into the crowd and bitches start screaming like they are at a 98 Degrees concert or something.
Elder Benson:This damn 3:00 hour. Too many bands to see. As Hopesfull finished up I hurried over to the Ernie Ball Stage to catch what I could of Circa Survive. One word can sum these guys up: amazing. One of the top 5 sets of the day. Lead singers voice sounded perfect, and the band writes some great songs.
Added bonus: There was none. I had to leave this set early in order to make it to Senses Fail.

3:50: Senses Fail

Benson:These guys came out to “Steven,” an old favorite. Their lead singer did his best Geoff Rickely mic-twirling impression, and the crowd ate these guys up. However, after having about three hundred pre-pubescent emo chicks fall on my head during their set, I decided it was time to hit up Boys Night Out at the smart punk stage.
Elder Benson:I know it's a reoccurring theme to say "this band was a highlight of the day," but really, they almost all were. Senses Fail was great. Playing songs off of their EP and debut full length, leaving this set early was one of the hardest things I did all day.
Added bonus: This set provided lots of great sing-along opportunities. Goodbye Steven…

4:10: Boys Night Out

Benson:Ah yes, the smart punk stage. Or, as I call it, emo-girl Kryptonite. That’s right folks, no 13 year old chicks with Fall Out Boy shirts here. Besides the fact that they would have been eaten alive during Darkest Hour’s set, the bands here really don’t offer much to the casual music listener. Most of the bands on this stage really bring something to the table and Boys Night Out was no different. They played a good mix of material off their 3 releases. Like Bleeding Through, they also had some broad playing keyboards. But she wasn't a metal goddess, and her sole purpose seemed to be inciting clap-alongs. However anyone who has heard "I Got Punched In the Nose For Sticking My Face In Other People's Business" knows exectly when to start the clapping. Best single live song of the day.
Elder Benson:The reason I left the Senses Fail set a few songs early was because I did not want to miss any of Boys Night Out. Unfortunately I failed in this mission as I did miss 1 or 2 songs, but oh well. What I did see was great, and this was one set I could not leave early.
Added Bonus: The clap alongs!

4:30: Dropkick Murphy’s

Benson:Not really a fan of these guys, but I have to hand it to them. They have some die-fans and still put on a great show after all these years.
Elder Benson: Anyone who has seen this band before knows how ridiculous they are live, so I won't get into that (for those of you who haven't, they're one of the best). Whenever I see this band though, I come away with one question. Where do the flags and banners come from? As soon as the Murphy's come on stage, Irish Flags, Boston Red Sox banners, and an assortment of other flags and posters rise from the ashes of the pit. Where the hell are kids hiding these things all day? Its like they just come out of the ground like the machines in War of the Worlds. I'd say this is one of the great unsolved mysteries of punk rock.
Added Bonus: The Dropkick Murphy's sparked the biggest dust cloud of the day; no small feat. They also invited a fan on stage to sing vocals for a song, which was probably the greatest moment of the guys life.

5:00 Emery

Benson:Watching these guys sitting down I could tell they were impressive. Check them out. "Walls" off their first album is amazing, and came across even better live. These guys also had a fat ass bass player, which is always a good sign.
Elder Benson:For some reason they brought a Tyco Ages 5 and under basketball hoop on stage, and each band member came out wearing basketball uniforms. Despite this attempt at humor which no one in the audience understood, they still maintained a good set. Every member of the band sang one of the songs, which was cool, and they received a good crowd response.
Added bonus: They played "Under Serious Attack," which has been on my Mp3 player for weeks, so I knew all the words. I also got a chance to eat dinner, which was used as fuel for the mayhem that was soon to come.

6:00: Atreyu

Atreyu's guitarist, The Karate Kid

Benson:What is rarer than a Benson in a circle pit you ask? Two Benson’s in a circle pit. Not many bands have the kind of power to make that happen. These guys do. Best show of day. Amazing Band. Suprisingly, only one guy in the band wore eyeliner. With songtitles like "Bleeding Mascera" and "Lip Gloss and Black" I expected more, but was releived the band members resembled normal human beings and not Good Charlotte roadies. Not even the return of the middle school Goth squad landing on my head and kicking me in the face every five seconds could ruin this set. Atreyu owns.
Elder Benson:Hands down, no contest, this was the best band of the day. A flawless setlist, amazing live sound, and some amazing circle pits. This is how music was meant to be played. I got punched in the face during the first circle pit, but all was well. I may have tasted a hint of blood, but I didn't turn into a vampire.
Added Bonus: Not only did I get some great sing-alongs, but I also got my 2nd opportunity of the day to raise my fingers to the sky and air guitar. Did I mention that they played "Lip Gloss and Black?"

7:30: Mae

Benson: Yeah these guys are real pussies. Their set started late and the whole side and back of the stage was filled with emo chicks just waiting to take a load in the mouth from Mae’s bald keyboardist. Dude looked could have had a successful career playing Juggernaut in the next X-Men movie, but chose the sissy emo route instead. He looked really constipated and every note he hit made his face contort into some of the weirdest facial expressions I had ever scene. Maybe his herpes were acting up.
Elder Benson:Since I watched Avenged Sevenfold, young Benson owed me a favor so I dragged him to the Hurley Stage to watch MAE in all of their emo glory. The set was great; they played their best songs ("Suspension" and "Painless"). There was also a gaggle of hot emo chicks on stage with them, so if I accidentally caught a glimpse of The Thing on piano, I could quickly avert my eyes to something beautiful.
Added Bonus: The guy from "The Shield" is in a band? Who knew….
Added Bonus #2: My brother was feeling so emo at this moment in the day that he gave his hair the classic cyclops style. Money indeed.
Benson: The similiarities between this dude and the Michael Chiklis from "The Sheild" are incredible, good eye on that one Elder. Remember when he guested on Seinfeld? Shit was hilarious. Who'd of thought that The Commish would ever be playing keyboards with an emo band? I better stop..I could write pages on just this guy alone.

Michael Chicklis, AKA The Thing, AKA The Commish AKA Cain Marko:The Juggernaut AKA Shrek, most certainly the ugliest most hideous aboniation in all of emo. He could be heard shrieking "get me some x-lax" from the side of the stage as well as "Its clobberin time!"

Headliners: Fall Out Boy/ My Chemical Romance/ Offspring

Benson:We had to be few miles from the stage for these guys, as they are two of the most popular bands on the planet right now. It’s easy to hate on them but both are still good. Yes, it hurts to share a common music interest with a 15 year old

Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump, hiding the fact the he is bald so he can hit up some underage emo gash after the show

that watches TRL but fuck it, what can you do? Also of note to some people, the ass clown singer of Taking Back Sunday joined MCR for a song. For the record, Taking Back Sunday is one of the lamest bands ever. I thought they had all gone back to their jobs at Burger King by now. Oh well. I didn't bother watching Offspring. They haven't been relevent in about nine years, so I figure I didn't miss much.
Elder Benson: Like a heard of cattle, girls ages 17 and under herded themselves over to the main stage for this set. Hot Topic would have been proud. MCR by far had the largest crowd of the day; I think every single person at Warped dropped what they were doing to see this band. Though most in the audience were worthless mall punks, the band sounded great. Musically, no complaints from me.
Added Bonus: Adam from Taking Back Sunday sang guest vocals during the My Chemical Romance's last song.
Only Negative: Not that they ever do, but it would have been great to hear "Drowning Lessons."

Show Recap:
Benson: My first Warped Tour experience was a good one, although at age 21 I am starting to get a little to old to attend what many people would consider emo-summer camp. However, as long as bands like Atreyu and Darkest Hour keep playing these things, I will keep coming. My only dissapointment of the day was the fact that It Dies Today and The Bled didn't show up, two metal bands I was really excited to see tear it up. All in all, it was a good day. The Transplants and The Startling Line are still together as of me writing this; I can only hope President Bush steps in and asks Congress to ban such horrible music from ever reaching the public. If he can step in to try to help a comotose bulimic get some watered down carrots, he can certainly save thousands of poor kids from experiencing the pain caused by bad emo and roadies trying to rap.
Also of note, I was the only person in a crowd of 15,000 to be wearing a Faith No more T-shirt, giving me instant cred. Many an experienced concert goer and music fan gave me props on that one. Hot emo chicks did not.
Elder Benson:As the day ended I opened my wallet and realized I'd spent $40 on bottled water. It was over 100 degrees most of the day, so I guess that's the only thing that kept me alive. The Boost Mobile "Where You At" best moment of the day award goes too: Atreyu. I had high expectations for them, and they blew these expectations away. If the band was a stock, its value tripled. If you weren't watching Atreyu I can only ask, "Where you At?"
The Ludacris "Pimpin' All Over The World" biggest disappointment award goes too: Milencolin. Bands from Sweden should sound like In Flames. Milencolin was the only Swedish band on the Warped Tour bill, and they didn't quite bring the Gothenburg Sound. Somewhere Jesper Stromblad is weeping. Don't worry Jesper, I still remember the Colony Tour.

Okay, thats it...special thanks to the Elder Benson for his input, even though I was hoping he would keep my temporary flirtation with the cyclops haircut just between us. The fact that he compares a metal band to stock is just priceless. It is also proof he is truly living the white collar by day, hardcore by night lifestyle. Also, thanks to all the websites that I stole these pics from, don't sue me or anything (I didn't take any pics at the actual show we went to). As always, if you ready this, drop some comments and throw out some opinions on this years Warped tour or the bald guy from Mae or something...or the Elder will go all Gothenburg on your ass.