What Your Purchases Say About You
VH1 has a show called "Best week ever." On the show, one comedian has a bit where he goes through a list of items, and then says what it means if you bought them. Unfortunately, he is about as funny as a bag of AIDS so I stole his premise and am doing it myself. So here goes - what your purchases say about you.
Backstreet Boys "Never Gone" CD
If you bought this CD, you have very few friends. You haven't matured since 9th grade, but your waste size has matured 6 sizes. Simply put, you are a fat chick who is about as attractive as Star Jones covered in maple syrup. Listening to guys in their mid thirties singing about how "incomplete" their lives are without hookers and blow makes you wet. In fact you even think they have "talent" because you saw the old guy of the group banging on a piano in the video. If you actually paid money for this record, Jesus doesn't love you anymore, and neither do your parents.
Toby Keith "Honkytonk University" CD
If you bought Toby Keiths latest crime against humanity, it says a few things about you. You most certainly voted for George W. Bush. It also means that you are missing at least one tooth, and have had impure thoughts about one of your close female relatives. You have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Dale Earnhart stickers on the back of your truck and a "3" tattooed on your arm. Thanks to all your praying, you have the mind boggling ability to be able to tell the difference between this CD and the new Kenny Chesney and George Straight CD's. The reason you bought this CD is because you are too fucking stupid to use the internet and get it for free. In fact, you hate computers and think they are the devil. You, just like the Backstreet Boys fan, are worth about as much to humanity as my taint.
Halfling Leaf / Pipe Weed
You searched long and hard, all throughout the south farthing and through Farmer Maggot's fields to find this. You lit up with a gay wizard who was told "the halfling leaf has made your mind slow." You were surprised to know that ale comes in pints. In your opinion, nothing is hotter than an elven preistess. Your name is Brandon Smith.
"Diary of a Mad Black Woman" DVD
You are a mad black woman.
Lil' Wayne lyric of the week: "Women wanna suck all on my pacifier and if she tell you she didn't, homie thats a liar" from Wayne's Takeover 2
Backstreet Boys "Never Gone" CDIf you bought this CD, you have very few friends. You haven't matured since 9th grade, but your waste size has matured 6 sizes. Simply put, you are a fat chick who is about as attractive as Star Jones covered in maple syrup. Listening to guys in their mid thirties singing about how "incomplete" their lives are without hookers and blow makes you wet. In fact you even think they have "talent" because you saw the old guy of the group banging on a piano in the video. If you actually paid money for this record, Jesus doesn't love you anymore, and neither do your parents.
Toby Keith "Honkytonk University" CDIf you bought Toby Keiths latest crime against humanity, it says a few things about you. You most certainly voted for George W. Bush. It also means that you are missing at least one tooth, and have had impure thoughts about one of your close female relatives. You have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Dale Earnhart stickers on the back of your truck and a "3" tattooed on your arm. Thanks to all your praying, you have the mind boggling ability to be able to tell the difference between this CD and the new Kenny Chesney and George Straight CD's. The reason you bought this CD is because you are too fucking stupid to use the internet and get it for free. In fact, you hate computers and think they are the devil. You, just like the Backstreet Boys fan, are worth about as much to humanity as my taint.
Halfling Leaf / Pipe WeedYou searched long and hard, all throughout the south farthing and through Farmer Maggot's fields to find this. You lit up with a gay wizard who was told "the halfling leaf has made your mind slow." You were surprised to know that ale comes in pints. In your opinion, nothing is hotter than an elven preistess. Your name is Brandon Smith.
"Diary of a Mad Black Woman" DVDYou are a mad black woman.
Lil' Wayne lyric of the week: "Women wanna suck all on my pacifier and if she tell you she didn't, homie thats a liar" from Wayne's Takeover 2
posted by Benson | 1:01 AM
1 Comments:
There are many things concerning hobbits that you must become aware of to fully understand a filthy, fat hobbitt. The finest leaf in all the south farthing, indeed, has made my mind slow. I usually sleep through breakfast and start eating at elevensies. Lunch, Afternoon Snack, Supper, Dinner and my night cap all come afterwards. But The New Guy is so wretched...i cant fuckin think man, this shit makes no sense...I AM THE MASTA KILLAH!! BOW TO ME!!
Post a Comment
<< Home